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Divorce and the 'Silver Bullet' - Quillette

The following is being provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as legal advice. Part of the unpleasantness comes from splitting a single household into two. Over the course of a marriage, you collect a good many things together — including debt. Divorce often involves a lengthy period of negotiation, where both sides try to divide assets and responsibilities in a mutually acceptable manner.


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In the event there are issues that the two parties cannot resolve through negotiation, the matter may go to trial, in which case a judge will provide an order of dissolution determining how everything is divided. If everything is settled during negotiations, then the fate of your debts will be decided there. You may choose to split everything evenly, or one party may take on a greater share of the debt in exchange for a larger share of the assets such as the house.

If you end up going to court, the judge will weigh all available factors before deciding what happens with your debts. In these states, debts incurred during a marriage but not before or after are generally viewed as being community debts, with both spouses sharing equal liability in the eyes of the law. Exceptions are made, however, and you could argue that a particular debt did not benefit the household, but instead only benefited one spouse.


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Alaska is not a community property state, but you do have the option to make your property community property if both spouses create and sign an agreement. That may sound a little harsh, but the truth is that no matter what decisions are made between you, your former spouse, your divorce attorneys, and the judge, you already have an agreement in place with your creditors and they intend to hold you to that agreement.

Federal Law Review

This is very important to keep in mind. If your name is on an account and not merely as an authorized user , the creditor will hold you responsible for the debt. And if they file for bankruptcy, the responsibility may shift to you presuming you have some legal liability for the debt. No matter how cordial and civil both parties may be, divorce can be painful.

In your Child’s Best Interest: A Guide for Divorcing Parents

Split up your accounts quickly, cleanly, and thoroughly. If a spouse is an authorized user on your account, have them removed. If you have any joint accounts, decide who will keep the account and contact the applicable creditor to have the second party removed. Pay off or transfer debts ahead of the divorce if possible. You may be able to sue your former spouse for damages in that scenario, but it would much easier for all parties involved if those unsecured debts were simply paid in full ahead of time. They can help you make sense of your budget and give you tips and ideas on how to make your money stretch.

If your finances just aren't what they should be, consider speaking with a trained credit counselor. Counseling is free, unbiased, and available any time. Continue the conversation or stay connected on Facebook. It assists its members in shaping policies governing federal and private student loan and state grant programs on behalf of students, parents, borrowers, and families. Since , the Homeownership Preservation Foundation HPF has served as a trusted, neutral source of information for more than eight million homeowners.

They are partnered with, and endorsed by, numerous major government agencies, including the U. The mission of the U. Department of Housing and Urban Development HUD is to create strong, sustainable, inclusive communities and quality affordable homes for all. HUD works to strengthen the housing market in order to bolster the economy and protect consumers; meet the need for quality affordable rental homes; utilize housing as a platform for improving quality of life; and build inclusive and sustainable communities free from discrimination.

The Council on Accreditation COA is an international, independent, nonprofit, human service accrediting organization. Their mission is to partner with human service organizations worldwide to improve service delivery outcomes by developing, applying, and promoting accreditation standards. If a healthy co-parenting relationship is not possible between you and your ex-spouse, at the very least separate out your anger with your spouse from your legal and moral obligation to your children. Your children know what is going on and they will grow to understand the motivation. Angry, divorcing parents do.

Grieve your Divorce. It is painful, regardless of who initiated the separation. And every divorce deserves to be grieved. Pretending it is a celebration is not only unhealthy, it is inauthentic.

Keep old friends. Make new friends. Divorce can be confronting to others. Be prepared to lose some friends and support. Consider that these occurrences usually have nothing to do with you and are just representative of what happens in the world of transition… things get lost. Be open to new people, new support and new friends. Get Professional Help. Moreover, your friends and family are not objective. While you might not always like what you hear from them, they are still unlikely to successfully facilitate the radical self-examination you may need to experience in order to learn and grow.

And really, why go through the pain of divorce without at least some growth? If you have children, leftover issues from the marriage, such as anger, pain, betrayal and loss of trust can interfere with how you show up as a Mother or Father. Parenting becomes the scene for unresolved marital issues and no one suffers more than the children.

Growth is optional. Choose wisely. If you recognize yourself in any of this— that level of awareness is HUGE and it is the first step. A lot of little lives depend on it. Divorce is a time of great transitions, losses and potentially, growth. But you still really, really want to stay put of court.

What Can You Do To Protect Yourself

Court is not a place for families. It is a place for lawyers. It is a place for individuals who have been trained and socially encouraged to make up a paycheck by manipulaing a body of rules and formulas that have nothing to do with you and your family. Court is the worst thing that could happen to a healthy family. Is there a time and place where court and litigation is necessary? I will write more about that in a future post. For now, know that the great majority of divorce cases can and should be settled out of court, mediated, or refer to collaborative divorce.