Use your giraffe talk. I feel angry when you stand so close to me. I forgot it bothers you. I began to think about my frustration with this child and to try to discover what I needed from him besides harmony and order. When he was acting out in class, I began to say, 'I need you to share my attention. Some patients ask me whether I am a psychologist, saying that usually their doctors are not interested in the way they live their lives or deal with their diseases.
NVC helps me understand what patients' needs are and what they need to hear at a given moment. Recently a woman with AIDS, whom I have been treating for the past five years, told me that what has helped her the most have been my attempts to find ways for her to enjoy her daily life. My use of NVC helps me a lot in this respect. Often in the past, when I knew that a patient had a fatal disease, I myself would get caught in the prognosis, and it was hard for me to sincerely encourage them to live their lives.
With NVC, I have developed a new consciousness as well as a new language. I am amazed to see how much it fits in with my medical practice.
I feel more energy and joy in my work as I become increasingly engaged in the dance of NVC. Still others use this process in the political arena. A French cabinet member visiting her sister remarked how differently the sister and her husband were communicating and responding to each other. Encouraged by their descriptions of NVC, she mentioned that she was scheduled the following week to negotiate some sensitive issues between France and Algeria regarding adoption procedures. Though time was limited, we dispatched a French- speaking trainer to Paris to work with the cabinet minister.
The minister later attributed much of the success of her negotiations in Algeria to her newly acquired communication techniques. In Jerusalem, during a workshop attended by Israelis of varying political persuasions, participants used NVC to express themselves regarding the highly contested issue of the West Bank.
Many of the Israeli settlers who have established themselves on the West Bank believe that they are fulfilling a religious mandate by doing so, and they are locked in conflict not only with Palestinians but also with other Israelis who recognize the Palestinian hope for national sovereignty in the region. During a session, one of my trainers and I modeled empathic hearing through NVC and then invited participants to take turns role-playing each other's position. After twenty minutes, a settler announced that she would be willing to consider relinquishing her land claims and moving out of the West Bank into internationally recognized Israeli territory if her political opponents could listen to her in the way she had just been listened to.
Worldwide, NVC now serves as a valuable resource for communities facing violent conflicts and severe ethnic, religious, or political tensions. My associates and I were once in Belgrade for three highly charged days training citizens working for peace. When we first arrived, expressions of despair were visibly etched on the trainees' faces, for their country was then enmeshed in a brutal war in Bosnia and Croatia.
As the training progressed, we heard the ring of laughter in their voices as they shared their profound gratitude and joy for having found the empowerment they were seeking. Over the next two weeks, during trainings in Croatia, Israel, and Palestine, we again saw desperate citizens in war-torn countries regaining their spirits and confidence from the NVC training they received.
I feel blessed to be able to travel throughout the world teaching people a process of communication that gives them power and joy. Now, with this book, I am pleased and excited to be able to share the richness of Nonviolent Communication with you. NVC helps us connect with each other and ourselves in a way that allows our natural compassion to flourish. NVC fosters deep listening, respect, and empathy and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart. Some people use NVC to respond compassionately to themselves, some to create greater depth in their personal relationships, and still others to build effective relationships at work or in the political arena.
Worldwide, NVC is used to mediate disputes and conflicts at all levels. Interspersed throughout the book are dialogues entitled "NVC in Action. However, NVC is not simply a language or a set of techniques for using words; the consciousness and intent which it embraces may be expressed through silence, a quality of presence, as well as through facial expressions and body language. The NVC in Action dialogues you will be reading are necessarily distilled and abridged versions of real-life exchanges, where moments of silent empathy, stories, humor, gestures, etc.
Attitudes toward Americans at that time were not favorable. As I was speaking, I suddenly noticed a wave of muffled commotion fluttering through the audience.
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Facing me squarely, he hollered at the top of his lungs, "Murderer! In this case, I had some cues. On the way into the refugee camp, I had seen several empty tear gas canisters that had been shot into the camp the night before. Clearly marked on each canister were the words "Made in U.
6. Honoring Student Experience
I addressed the man who had called me a murderer:. I: Are you angry because you would like my government to use its resources differently? I didn't know whether my guess was correct, but what is critical is my sincere effort to connect with his feeling and need. I: So you're furious and would appreciate some support in improving your living conditions and gaining political independence? I: Sounds like you're feeling very desperate and you're wondering whether I or anybody else can really understand what it's like to be living under these conditions.
I: I hear how painful it is for you to raise your children here; you'd like me to know that what you want is what all parents want for their children-a good education, opportunity to play and grow in a healthy environment. I: You'd like more Americans to be aware of the enormity of the suffering here and to look more deeply at the consequences of our political actions? Our dialogue continued, with him expressing his pain for nearly twenty more minutes, and I listening for the feeling and need behind each statement.
I didn't agree or disagree. I received his words, not as attacks, but as gifts from a fellow human willing to share his soul and deep vulnerabilities with me. Once the gentleman felt understood, he was able to hear me as I explained my purpose for being at the camp. An hour later, the same man who had called me a murderer was inviting me to his home for a Ramadan dinner.
I addressed the man who had called me a murderer: I: Are you angry because you would like my government to use its resources differently? He: Damn right I'm angry! You think we need tear gas? We need sewers, not your tear gas! We need housing! We need to have our own country! He: Do you know what its like to live here for twenty-seven years the way I have with my family-children and all? Have you got the faintest idea what that's been like for us?
He: You want to understand? Tell me, do you have children? Do they go to school? IQ and EQ exist in tandem and are most effective when they build off one another. Your performance at school or work. High emotional intelligence can help you navigate the social complexities of the workplace, lead and motivate others, and excel in your career. In fact, when it comes to gauging important job candidates, many companies now rate emotional intelligence as important as technical ability and employ EQ testing before hiring.
Your physical health. This can lead to serious health problems. Uncontrolled stress raises blood pressure, suppresses the immune system, increases the risk of heart attacks and strokes, contributes to infertility, and speeds up the aging process. The first step to improving emotional intelligence is to learn how to manage stress. Your mental health. Uncontrolled emotions and stress can also impact your mental health, making you vulnerable to anxiety and depression.
This in turn can leave you feeling lonely and isolated and further exacerbate any mental health problems. Your relationships. This allows you to communicate more effectively and forge stronger relationships, both at work and in your personal life.
Your social intelligence. Being in tune with your emotions serves a social purpose, connecting you to other people and the world around you. The skills that make up emotional intelligence can be learned at any time. In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, you need to learn how to overcome stress in the moment, and in your relationships, in order to remain emotionally aware. The key skills for building your EQ and improving your ability to manage emotions and connect with others are:.
Social-Emotional Development Domain
In order for you to engage your EQ, you must be able use your emotions to make constructive decisions about your behavior. When you become overly stressed, you can lose control of your emotions and the ability to act thoughtfully and appropriately. Think about a time when stress has overwhelmed you.
Was it easy to think clearly or make a rational decision? Probably not. Emotions are important pieces of information that tell you about yourself and others, but in the face of stress that takes us out of our comfort zone, we can become overwhelmed and lose control of ourselves. With the ability to manage stress and stay emotionally present, you can learn to receive upsetting information without letting it override your thoughts and self-control. Managing stress is just the first step to building emotional intelligence. The science of attachment indicates that your current emotional experience is likely a reflection of your early life experience.
Your ability to manage core feelings such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy often depends on the quality and consistency of your early life emotional experiences.
Improving Emotional Intelligence (EQ) - pefawuqa.cf
But being able to connect to your emotions—having a moment-to-moment connection with your changing emotional experience—is the key to understanding how emotion influences your thoughts and actions. Do you experience feelings that flow, encountering one emotion after another as your experiences change from moment to moment? Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your stomach, throat, or chest? Do you experience individual feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy, each of which is evident in subtle facial expressions?