I have been in a relationship for over 14yrs and I have 2 kids but my boyfriend always says he didn't want me to have the kids and brings it up every tin we have a miss understanding and it really hurts me coz the kids are here and I love them to bits I want to come out of this relationship it's killing me but am 43yrs I might not be able to meet someone to love me Reply. Oh stay strong Love Reply. But you have no real love right now. You can only gain from getting out of this relationship I wouldn't let someone talk about my children in that way. It can only get better it can't get any worst be strong take care of yourself and your kids.
The sandwich. He says that because or some reason he wants to hurt you where it counts. He knows you well and something is setting him off to the point he wants to emotionally hurt you. I with my x went to marriage counseling and I've been on and off since I was I'm She suggests don't respond immediately. Take a deep breath and don't speed till you've county to 40 seconds. If you can't control your hurt then simply say you can't talk about it right now that you need to think and ask if he can wait. Get out of the room.
It's helps. Then discuss it like adults using the sandwich method. That is : say something positive then bring up what's bothering you. Then end the convo with a positive affirmation. Practice that and there should never be any verbal abuse. The word for him is an abuser. The faster you end this bad relationship, the better it will be for your health.
This cannot lead to anything good. If you think he's abusive now, it will only get worse if you marry him. You should leave him and start looking for someone who will treat you with respect. Do NOT accept his apologies so you will take him back. Abusers lie to be able to continue the abuse. Your situation is not the kind addressed in this article. You are in an abusive situation. Get out as fast as you can. Im always being hurt by mt boyfriend and it does hurt he does it on purpose he says hurtful things to hurt me but i dontshow my anger i say god gave me a big heart ill rather give love and know what it feels to love than be mean and not know how to feel and not know the feeling of love i truely dont know how to react when hes so cruel i feel numb sincerly eileen ,kitty Reply.
A therapist will tell you suppressing anger only causes it to go underground. I get the point about keep your mouth shut -- for the moment -- so that you have time to process your distress and understand what underpins it. But to say that a woman should shove it down to gain 'self mastery' is no mastery at all.
Long-Term Relationships: Rebuilding Love After Emotional Damage
All unresolved conflict is stored within our bodies and within our unconscious. There it lies dormant and wreaks mayhem: depression, anxiety, migraines, teeth grinding, insomnia, displacing the anger onto others, and most lethal of all -- a growing resentment that evolves into rage. Anger management is good, telling someone to gain mastery their anger through repression will most certainly not resolve anything. Women must always be allowed to discuss their anger with whomever they have issue. They must be allowed to maintain psychological healthiness for their health, for their children and for their marriages.
I could not agree with you more about the repressing of emotions and feelings! That is the worst advice I have heard in a long time! Repressing will leave the initial unresolved, which will then branch off into other issues , which all can lead to physical ailments later on, and usually do. Having experienced different ways of releasing negative emotions that have stored over the years, whether from childhood or wherever , I can tell you it was a wonderful experience.
I felt lighter and freer and the world seemed brighter. And I felt it more so after every catharsis or emotional release. Repressing these negative emotions weighs you down with baggage that is not needed. And that effects every area of your life ie; depression, weight gain, lack of energy, irritability And that is only but a few of the side effects that repressing negative emotions can cause.
Look it up on Google or wherever. There is tons of info on releasing negative emotions. I found it very interesting. Self Control Keeping your mouth shut and not lashing back at a hurtful person takes a long time to master. However, in the long run, it is the best thing to do. At first, you feel glad you answered back, but as time goes by you know you "should have kept your mouth shut". Ouch Me and my bf have been getting aling great maybe to great for the last 6 months, then tonight he called me a liar and im really hurt by it, never thougt someone I love could hurt me like that, all I ever do is try to please people all my life and then he says this Is it going to make you less communicative, if you are only good at communication.
Why Can Love Be So Painful? 6 Ways to Heal and Move On
My girlfriend and me were on a very good track and I used to tell her to do things what she is doing now like giving time to her family friends and all. Now the real problem she has forgotten me in between all of that. Now she doesn't care if i call she will talk but very less and with no interest I tried being calm for last 10 days and it's hurting me inside that everything changed and now if I try to correct her or say anything she will just let me know that may be we don't have that kind of understanding, without even thinking once if she can put some efforts too.
I'm afraid may be I'm on the edge of loosing her but I don't what to do, I can remain silent for whole of my life for her but would that be worth of anything? Sure, it makes sense to keep your mouth closed. But then, the silent hurt and inability to resolve the problem leads to actions that are even more serious. My understanding It seems to me that Mrs.
Radcliffe is saying in the moment of anger to hold back from reacting. This way the person can think rationally about the best way to handle the hurt feelings. Of course eventually the issues need to be dealt with. We are just better off dealing with things when we are calm. We often will get much better results this way. Perhaps a couple where one is constantly speaking not nicley to the other will get counseling. This decision will be come to from a place of calm not a place of rage. I find this very interesting. And something I need to utilize more often. Does one just let it go and hope to get over it, and not build a burning resentment?
Or your advice to curb an immediate off the cuff reaction? Is there follow up advice to handle a situation, once feelings are put into check? So after you haven't responded what are you supposed to do with your hurt and the possible injustice? Perhaps an angry tirade toward such an insensitive bully of a husband would not render any satisfactory resolution.
However, there is an alternative tactic that would. It would resolve the feelings of the victimized, unappreciated wife by allowing her to express her anguish, and it would resolve the sadistic husband's ignorance that he is treating his wife the way some of our people were treated as they were rounded up in s Europe by the Gestapo. That alternative tactic is for the wife to do a "Tevya"--talk to heaven, as he did in Fiddler on the Roof, or to the ghost of Elijah, to the wall, or to an imaginary parrot. Inform any one of these entities that this husband-man was brutal and thoughtless in his comments, and tell of the deep emotional pain he caused.
Talk also about the benefits of whatever idea the husband disdained e. Ask G-d's forgiveness of the offender aloud. Pray that the person gets a better soul, soon. Anger After all of my encounters with antisemitism throughout my life up until recently i sat in a pool of anger. I was in my earlier years an orthodox Jew fresh out of yashiva to be pounced upon by the antisemites and had to do what i had to do to survive ,when i had finally had enough and wanted to take action for the way it made me feel,i contacted my Rabbi from the yashiva from 40 years ago,Thank G-d he was alive and well,first he was in shock,he remembered me and we talked about everything my suggestion for all Jews coming back into the fold when asking a Rabbi for help,like a doctor you must tell him every last thing in order for him to give clear advice and a plan of action which for me consisted of actually common sense,call upon the Lord for help and read as much Torah as possible,all of the answers are right there if you really dig in.
Now more than ever i feel G-d watching over me,some days are better than others of course but with at least trying i feel an instant reward. I agree with Susan Levitsky's post. Very occasionally perhaps, one makes an unkind and tactless remark, that was unintentional. Did you find this post helpful? Well, sometimes, it usually seems like that person was a good person before, and they filled the void in your heart that was always empty.
Once they leave, you feel empty and alone again. You feel as if no one is there for you anymore. I have been through this feeling, and I still feel it right now. I question why they have left, what I have done wrong, things like that.
Long-Term Relationships: Rebuilding Love After Emotional Damage
I try to make up reasons for them to speak to me, but to no avail. Mostly, you usually go back to those people because you're stuck in the past when they have loved you and you deny the fact that they no longer enjoy your company. You keep reminiscing, not being able to find someone else to replace that person. Don't give up and look back too soon, be open to something better and don't be afraid. Because some where or the other we know that we still like them.
No matter how much they hurt us, we always want to give in because we tend to believe that they deserve it and that they're going to change. Don't worry, you're not alone. While the person is the one who hurt you the most, they're often the one who made you care about them the most. People keep saying that "they changed" but people don't change; they show you what they want you to see and then when you're hooked, they show you everything else and emotionally manipulate you.
Some people don't realise that they're doing it but those that do, will do it the worst.
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I don't know exactly what you're referring to so this is only an example of what it could be that you're going through. Only those who are important to us can hurt us the most.
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If you didn't care they wouldn't have hurt you as much as they did and those feelings aren't easily turned off. Eventually there will come a time when you realise that although you loved them, and probably always will, you can live without them.
Because that's just human nature. I think subconsciously we find pleasure in pain, including heart-broken type of pain. It could also be our ego that tells us that this person will love you eventually --so it's more to prove a point. It could also be a confidence-issue. When you're dependent on someone and they hurt you, you don't feel worthy enough so you keep coming back to this person that you know will stay with you even they hurt you.
Sometimes when you been hurt once to many times you, you start to be okay with people treating you like shit. Because sometimes pain is all we know so we think it's normal and we accept it. Mind you, even if the faces and the names change, we will go back to the same situation until we figure out what we need to learn. Someone who has made such a deep emotional impact on us is hard to let go of.
We might want answers, or a reason for the anguish this person put us through. Until You come to terms with yourself about a person that has wronged you, Anonymous March 29th, pm. I think its because of the memories with them. Often the people who are able to hurt us most are the people closest to us. Partners, family members, close friends. Rejection by these people can be extremely painful, and we can desperately want to reconcile these feelings, fix these relationships.
But it is important that we let go of them, otherwise we will not be able to move on with out lives. Humans tend to go for comfort. We are attracted to things that we know. When somebody hurts you, you've been allowing yourself to think that nobody else out there will like you. That said person who hurt you are the only one who could put up with you.
You know them and in fear of being hurt by someone else we just tend to go back to the usual toxic relationship.
Love simply flows outwards. For love is sufficient unto love. There will be no attempt to idealise them or to make them over in any way. This is where some of the hurt comes in when we love. It requires incredible effort to accept, and then truly to understand, another person. Love also hurts when we discover something about the other person that will result in a loss to us. All parents must experience this when their adorable, dependent little baby becomes an adolescent, then a young adult.
To allow them to fulfil their potential, parents must show their love by giving up the delicious sense of being needed, and encourage their child to do for themselves, because only that way can the child become fully independent. Finally, love hurts because when we truly love, we must do so honestly. No secrets, no avoidance, no kidding ourselves, no ulterior motives. When we truly love, what we discover about the other person inevitably demands that we confront our own beliefs and desires. It is. To love is to live fully, to have a purpose that makes life worth living.
Once again, it is Gibran who explains most eloquently what happens when you truly love another person:.